22.4.11

Please Jangan Pergi

MAaf ...
itu je yang ley i katakan pada die..


awak..
kalau awak nk tau sbenarnya saya dah mula sayangkn awk
bile saya ngah down awak mesti berjaya wat saya ketawa dan tersenyum
awak kata awak sayangkn saya
tapi saya kata saya perlukan masa..


Memang masa yang saya perlukan sbb hati saya masih trauma
andai awk tau apa yang tlh saya lalui..
pernah saya dilukai ngan teruk dulu dan saya x mau terluka lagi mcm dulu awak..
saya dah janji pada diri saya yang andai kata saya dah mula sygkn seseorg
mungkin lebiy baik saya hanya pendamkn saja..
andai awak tau org yg saya mula sayangkn tu awk pasti awk xkn pergi an
maaf
saya dah banyak kali wat awak sedih tanpa saya sedari


Ego awak dan sifat awk wat saya tertarik hati
walaupun awk x pernah sekali pun mengunakan kata2 jiwang utk wat saya cair
awak sentiasa jujur pada saya sejak kita kenal lagi
iaitu sejak dibangku skolah lagi
saya tau sifat awak
awak x mudah mesra ngan perempuan laen dan awk mmg seorg yg setia
itu yang paling saya nakkn dr pasangan saya
saya dah lama tau sifat awak tu sejak kita mula berkwan lagi


Awak kata "lebih baik kita x yah cntct lagi"
kalau awak nak tau ayat tu sgt2 wat saya sedih..
saya x ley nak kata pe lagi dah..
kerana mksd message saya pada awak sbnrnya adlh
"Yeah (awk de harapan lg) just that jgn letak harapan tinggi tuk I"
herm mungkin awk terslh fhm ngn msg sy dgn 'yeah' tu ngn x de harapan..
maaf

But awak wat saya sedar yang saya mungkin bagi awk harapn palsu
sbnrnya TIDAK!
awklah harapan saya
haih sapa lagi saya nk kacau malam2 bile de byk kredit?? o.O!!
bile rasa happy or sunyi je sapa je yg saya nk cari or sakat lagi???
AWAK!!
x mau la lost contact!!


Awak dah janji nk tunggu at jejantas nnti
x kira saya nak gak awk tunggu saya
please tunggu saya awk
.....

saya tau jejantas tu amat bermkna wat awk sbb dulu wktu zmn persekolhn
kita slalu ulang alik naik jejantas yg sm wktu pulang dr skola
n mmg saya x nah kata at awk
but kalau awk nk tau saya br igt blk apa yg sy rskn wktu last day of school wktu form4
dulu ..


saya tunggu awk sprt biasa at jejantas but awk x muncul2
saya igt awk dah blk ngn kwn2 awk
x smpat sy nk wish at awk dulu goodluck tuk SPM
yeah the last day sy trpksa blk sorang2 n rs sunyi sgt x dgr cite2 awk n trime sakatan dr awk
bile masuk form5 je first day of school blk je trus igt kat awk
windu sgt blk ngn awk dulu
saya just x nak ngaku itu at awk
sbb saya x nak awk fikir bkn2 dulu
.......

yeah saya mungkin tidak akan layan awk sprt couple laen
or mungkin jarang kata saya syg awk
tapi awk perlu tau saya selesa ngan awk
igt x dulu sy nah kata lps 2 taun kalau awk btl sygkn saya awk kn jumpe parents saya dulu
baru saya ley trime
and mmg saya pegang pada janji saya
prinsip saya adlh
saya mahu hubungan yg direstu parents saya n parents awk
saya x nk couple tengah jalan lagi dan akhirnya putus
biarlah hubungan kt skang hy setakat kwn yg memberikn sy peluang mengenali awk
dengan lebih baik dan awk pun dapat mengenali diri saya dgn lebih baik
agar awak xka pernah menyesal kelak
saya cuma x nak mengulangi kesilapan lama yang sama
.......


Awak saya fhm kalau awk x sanggup nak tunggu saya dah
sbb memang salah saya mudah mesra ngan kwn2 laen
saya masih menjaga batas2 pergaulan saya x pernah saya cuba menggatal or memberi hrpn palsu pd org laen..
tapi kalau awk nk tau lam hati saya hanya Allah saja yg tau

saya x nak dah wat awk sedih dan saya faham kalau awk tetap
ngan pendirian awk.. sbb awkkn degil
haih x pe lah.. saya pun x nak dah sakitkn hati org yg saya sayang
kalau awk masih berdiam diri pas baca message yng khas tuk awk ni
saya faham maksd die
xkn da saya cari awk or fikirkn awk lagi
haih...

just that awk tu badan lemah blagak kuat je aktif lam sukan
awk kn jaga diri awk and igt pesan saya at awk dulu..
awk tanx sbb pernah hadir lam idup saya

p/s: pengakuan ikhlas saya khas untuk awak sebab saya x nak kehilangan awk..

Memory of 25th January 2010/2011



straight 2 years on the 25th January of 2010 and 2011
brings a lot of bad memories to me..
it actually should be the greatest memory of all
but the last time I had my good memory on my birthday is in the year 2009
which when the last time I had a party for my birthday
and when I still do have all my fwens around including the one I love
but
2010 - friendship
2011 - relationship


I cried on my birthday..
I still remember in the year 2010
I cried because I felt lonely and I lost my trust to all my friends
for the first time I felt so lonely..
I've been hurt by them on the 24th without they realized
Who ever knew the girl who had so many friends end up losing them one by one
I felt betrayed by them..
thats the reason why I end up being unfriendly to others when I'm doing my foundation
on the first sem..
yeah I admit I don't have many fwens on the first sem
people then tend to misunderstand me as a snobbish girl
I'm afraid to open up to others
I just afraid to be hurt by friendship again


Friends come and go..
I learn that true friend are hard to find and hard to keep
but its OK I learn my lesson




but it's ok duh..
as long as I have all my loves one
they are my family
I'm still happy that I had the chances to celebrate it with them


2011...
I hope for a better day on the 25th
but something came up
a week before my burfday
I had to let go the one I love
what he didn't know was that I wish he could be the first one to wish me
even he is not mine I just hope that he still do care bout me
I wait and I waited for his call
but it was useless
........

one day something came up
and I just got to know that on the 24th he was with someone else
the night which I waited for him
he was having an affair with someone
it hurts me real deep
how stupid I am
to be thinking that he still do care about me
it hurts soo much
and again I cried on my burfday
the thing he never knew
.....
but I'm really thankful to have my fwens by my side
at least I have them
:)
and for the wishes I really appreciate it
it makes me smile sum how
yeah..
I'm such a weak person I cry if I want to
its the only way for me to be strong again
for me letting out the emotions are better than keeping it
but I only cry in front of the people I'm closed to




but some how I wish
I could have a great birthday in the year of 2012
could it happen for a person like me?
I just don't want to loose anyone again on my birthday
having everyone I care about close to me on my birthday without knowing I'll be loosing them
are just enough for me..
......

p/s: I just hope to celebrate my birthday without any tears again,,..

20.4.11

Message to my past

Burning the past...


letting go the past and live my life to the fullest..
but before I let go of it I'm writing this final message for my replacement..
My dear...
don't get me wrong, I once in your place and I once felt as happy as you r feeling now..
honestly yeah I'm a bit jealous with you but thinking back to the memory I had I'm willing to let it go.. Take care of him and always be patient standing by his side..
I lost the trust that I had once for him..
I could never trust his words again.. but I want you to know that if he is willing to change
please let him have the chance to be with you and always be faithful..
the thing that I once didn't get from him was just his loyalty..
and now I'm envy with you because you'll get it for sure..
but it's ok, I'm happy for both of you..


when thinking back the past I finally realize that he was actually wasn't even there when I need him.. all I did had was only his shadow...
the thing that actually makes me cry is him and the thing that hurt me the most is his act..
remembering back he was only there only for the good times...
eventually he had me only for his pleasure..
don't worry I won't interrupt in your relationship..and I won't be letting him running in my mind ever again.. I have my pride and I'm loving myself the most..
for sure chill up and wish you both could last longer than mine...



Thanks for all the broken promises...
I'll just say goodbye to you and always remember I'm always happy for you
all I just want to say is that I'll move on..
someone is waiting for me out there.. maybe he is the one or maybe he is just another mistake
but for sure I'll never know.. my prefect HIM is not you thats for sure..

p/s: I'll forgive and I'll forget I'll be there but not even as a friend lets be stranger starting from now onwards..

17.4.11

Picnic di Dusun Durian Batang Kali..


Picnic di Dusun Durian..
ahaks ok2 mmg fara jakun...
i just feel excited sbb da lama sgt x picnic..

yesterday, 17 April..
awal2 pagi da bgn siap semua kemas umah sblm bertolak..
tepat kul sembilan da ready da semua berkumpul di rumah aunty Pura

Actually fara gi picnic ngan kwn2 se University ngan mama dulu..
mostly semua kwn2 mama adlh lawyer n ade sorang yg berpangkat majistret
huhu bile ngok dorang ye life membuatkn fara lebih semangat nk berjaya wink2~
soo its a woman's days out la.


cantik an dusun durian die..
actually dusun durian ni milik abg aunty Asma..

ok dr subang ke kg Batang Kali sampai sn lam kul 11 lebiy..
bile smpai semua actually da kebulur da
haha mn x ye masing2 kelam kabut x smpat nk breakfast..
jadi ada yg da siap buka bekal da makan bile smpai..

bile da jumpe spot yg sesuai je pe lagi siap bentang tikar la semua..
masing2 hidangkn bekal masing2..
and ada siap ikan akn sotong bakar lagi..
not to forget DURIAN! ahaks


ni bdk2 ni konon nk kutip durian sm2..
ahaks but satu durian pun x jumpe..
huhu maklumla da akhir musim..
but nasib baik pemilik dusun ni da siap2 sedia da tuk ktorg..


wah, ebat luckily de yg reti kopek kulit durian ni..
yg laen jadi tukang tgok n tukang lahap je la.. ahaks


while semua sibuk lahap buah durian, fara jd tukang tgok n snap pic je la..



actually fara x mkn seulas pun..
sbb fara x suka makan durian yg sbnrnya..
kalau makan confirm mlm tu da tido mlm la jwbnya..
thats y x berani da nk mkn walaupun seulas..


well, jgn terkejut lak..
at dusun durian ni yg jd pengawalnya si angsa..
ahaks slalunya org akn letak anjing cthnya tuk jaga dusun
but ni letak angsa... byk lak tu
ahaha bgs gak idea tu..

inilah product slps buah durian abis diratah..
:P
ok2.. now biar dak jakun ni nk enjoy naik buaian lak.. ^^



ngah syok2 mkn ikan bakar tibe2 je kwn mama kata
"mona lawa ank2 kau ..eyh x susah ke jaga?"
ahaha mcm nk trgelak je dgr..
ok then yg kwn2 mama harus tau mama mmg strict dlm menjaga ank2 dara die..
haih..

n paling x dpt lupe adlh..
"kalau de ank laki ni ley wat menantu ni"..
gulp... tersedak bile tdgr..

huhu bile bergaul ngn org dewasa ni best tu mmg best
but thn bile kuar bab2 ni.. uhuk rs pelik la feeling nya..
ahaha

ok semua kanak2 ribena sekalian..
perkenalkn ini adalah bunga buah durian eyh...




haih tu je la kwn2..
now nk blk da pulang ke rumah..
camwhore jap.. ahaks...
had fun blk lam kul 3 lebiy
n smpai umah je trus pengsan smpai kul 6 gulp..
aahaha



p/s: durian oh durian... bile la aq dpt rs tempoyak lak.. ahaks.. yum2

16.4.11

MY MUET..

uhuk.. baru sedar yang lama x update blog ni..
ahaks mn x ye.. bz ngan keje n study tuk Muet
soo jadi x de mood lak nk update..
^^


well yeah second time amik MUEt..
haih the previous one just manage to get band3!!
uhuk teruk an..
nasib badan la belalang sape suruh x serious aritu..
well now I've been given this second chance and I won't let it slip away..
study..study..study..

haih lege da lepas semua paper td..
listening test pun alhamdulilah dekat ngn radio soo
LOUD N CLEAR la!!
ahaks

about speaking test alhamdulilah la ley jawab..
soklan sal television program yg mn most beneficial
fara dpt group second last soo lambat la turn fara..
therefore, nth mcm mn ley dpt soklan bocor.. ngeh~
sempat la bincang ngn my group ttg isi..
group speaking semuanya boys.. haih segan2.. :")
but lucky dorang friendly soo waktu speaking masing2 x la kekok

just yg wat slack ye..
mamat engineering mn nth nk menggatal since dr speaking test lg..
ergh...
rimas tol... x malu tol..dpn2 org laen die ley nk menggatal..
x de awek laen ke nk kacau... urgh.. =_=!!
haih..
lege da selesai..

now ley focus tuk keje..
mengajar di pusat tuisyen,..
its fun sometimes..
ahaha just agak mencabar je la lebiy2 lagi ajar budak2 yg slow skit..
but pape pun just niat ikhlas bkn..
ley blaja tuk sbr..
ahaha just yg rs nk ketawa
cause certain bdk2 takut sgt ngn fara..
yg nakal tu akn pasti jd angel lam class..
but lege la.. my class akn sentiasa senyap..
wink2~

p/s: bsk nk gi dusun durian wink2.. kalau sempat akn update sal dusun durian bsk.. ahaks.. x de keje.. :P